Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
