Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
