pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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