Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
