so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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