i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He has the fingertips of a God
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