I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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