I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
