I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it's like iHOP with fire
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
