I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
