we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
