...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
