I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize