He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
