We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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