how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
bring money and cleavage
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize