Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
