I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize