Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
