yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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