pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize