Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
