Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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