Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
