It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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