where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
