So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
