another moral hangover. fuck.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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