Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
