Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
