good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
