i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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