8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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