plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize