I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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