ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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