I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
