I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Randomize
