I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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