i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
