Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
