chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
