A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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