Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
