So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
