I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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