so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
