I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
