Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize