My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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