im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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