i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
