I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
my poor anus
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
