he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
