remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
