Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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