so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
