Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
