yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You can't motorboat a personality
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
