I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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