Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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