Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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