He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
