worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
