i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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