Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
