Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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