I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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