i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
