You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
