so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
