p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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