you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
