I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize