how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
