I have demons in me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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