ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
