At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
