super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
