How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
