M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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