So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
