Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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