I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
