He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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