You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
