you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
