textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
