Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
