Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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