# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
