he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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