wat bout pragnant strippers??
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How does it feel to date your dad?
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