youre lurking in front of me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
