he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
