When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
