u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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