Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
