Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
