As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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