my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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