Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize