so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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