tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
