Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
